For all I’ve endured in the last several years, I think yesterday topped it all. I experienced new levels of pain beyond recent memory.

It was my own damn fault. When I move from the wheelchair to the bed, I stand on my left foot and kneel on the chair with my right knee. I will then lean on the bed, bring the right knee over, bring the left knee up, and roll/crawl to the position I want. Yesterday was different, either by carelessness, overconfidence, or lousy aim. My left knee was not far enough up on the bed. When I put weight on it, I slipped off and crashed to the floor for a vicious 1 point landing.

The left leg was forced back to a degree it isn’t used to, with my heel slamming my ass solidly. I then rolled to the right for the secondary impact on my right knee, which was not bad at all. Fine with me!!!!

I lay there for I don’t know how long. I was seeing stars bursting around me and I was purely in agony. Fortunately my arms are strong and what’s left of my right leg is pretty tough too. I was soon able to unfold myself and, with only moderate amounts of screaming, brought myself around to my floor-to-bed/chair launch point.

This position involves kneeling on the right knee, planting my left foot on the floor, and pushing myself up and back onto the chair or bed. The big concern was my left knee, which I expected to explode into a million shards of agony. Somehow I made it up there with mucho pain but no major screaming.

I found that I could barely move my leg. It was kinda stuck at a 45 degree angle, refusing to straighten or bend much. A quick phone call to some friends brought me food, cold drinks, and basic TLC. I ate Ibuprofen like candy all night and all day today, and thankfully the agony has eased up a lot. I still hurt like hell and movement is painful, but I am improved. I am just grateful that the damage wasn’t worse, and that my physical therapy people worked me hard to buil up what is left of my right leg. Without the Mighty Stumpy, I would have been all but immobile.

I’m lucky….again!

Both of my feet hurt.

I know…..I don’t have a right foot anymore, but the Phantom Pain Syndrome is alive and well and telling me that my right heel is tearing me up. It’s a strange phenomenon. My left foot is throbbing from neuropathic pain, a common thing with diabetics. My blood sugar is running lower than usual (not a particularly bad thing) and that is most likely causing it.

Meanwhile I am slogging my way through other issues. Money is always a matter….nothing changes there. One of my meds can and is blurring my vision, which I hate. I am routinely being accosted by a bunch of 13 year olds to sign petitions in the wake of a local cable company canceling the G4 Gamers Network (which I couldn’t stand…bring back TechTV!). Thankfully we have been having a cool spell for the last few days so at least going outdoors is bearable.

So lately I am focusing on reprocessing a ton of oldies in iTunes to try to level out rollercoaster volume levels and trying to read “6 Chambers, 1 Bullet” by Sonny Barger, a murder mystery. Barger is a founder of the Hells Angels but is making a mark as a writer. He’s an interesting man, to say the least.

Onward, onward……

The last couple of weeks have been quite a whirlwind.

Political scandal and celebrity deaths seemed to be daily occurrences. I had another brief hospital stay that was pleasantly short (though my absence re-traumatized JJ - again!) I was especially saddened by the passing of Phillip Simmons, the renowned Charleston Blacksmith.

I met Mr Simmons back in the 70's, when I was taking various metal trades courses and the school allowed some of us to visit his shop in downtown Charleston. Mr Simmons was probably about 60 at the time and was well known for his beautiful ornamental ironwork. His powerful hands and crushing grip were amazing for a man of his age, but the best part was Mr Simmons himself. He took great pride in showing us his shop and some pieces in progress. I was more impressed by his smile and his words. He had that soft gullah accent that is seldom heard except from older black folks. His big smile and twinkling eyes radiated his pride in his work and the warmth in his heart. He was a very, very special man.

The years and his health gradually forced him to settle for overseeing his shop workers and designing pieces that would still bear his name. His life's work continues under the hands of trusted family.

Philip Simmons passed at the grand age of 97. He left his mark all over Charleston, a heritage as strong and timeless as the iron from which it was forged.

Father's Day has basically passed. I Hope those of you whose Dad's are still with you were able to do something special for him, even if it was just a call.

The relationship between my Father and me was volatile at the least, most likely a result of his temperment and a ton of personality conflicts. I wish we could have been closer. As it is we didn't begin to mend until the last year or so of his life. I envy my nephews for their relationships with their Dads. I just can't really imagine it though.

So the bulk of the day was spent in quality time with my "son". JJ and I spent the day doing what a cat and an old cripple do best......we laid around, watching old movies and keeping each other company.

Quality time at its best!

I sometimes get these uncharacteristic urges to domesticate myself. Martha Stewart with a sex change and a wheelchair. Today was such a day.

Even after two months here, I still have stuff in boxes that need to be culled through. Then there is the stack of audio gear that a friend gave me. I’ve been enjoying the heck out of the Boston Acoustic speakers and have been meaning to put them on stands designed for them. I decided today was the day.

I dropped myself to the floor, positioned each stand and lifted those rather hefty speakers into position. After remounting my chair, I backed off to enjoy my handiwork. But something wasn’t right.

The stands for my speakers tilts them upwards at about 10 degrees….. IF you turn them the right way. Otherwise they are pointing down at that same angle. Guess who positioned both stands bass-ackwards?

Ooops!!!!

So back to the floor and wrestling each speaker around so that they were pointed and tilted the right way. They look and sound great (Thanks Elle) It was well worth the effort.

And that was the high point of my day. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Today I am getting attached to a Wound Vac. It is a device that will apply suction to (yet another) open wound on my left leg, draining the wound and helping promote the healing process.

The downside to this is the fact that I will be unable to wear my brace while I am using this device. This means I will be unable to use my prosthetic leg and walk. I’m back to the wheelchair for probably a month or so. Bummer.

I’m also dealing with some realities. One is the fact that I have changed forever. I may have bounced back to a degree, but there are many things that won’t recover. I am and will forever be different from others and from the “old me”. Accepting this is difficult and quite a challenge.

The extra $150 for rent is killing me. I’m looking into some work at home stuff but I need to turn some cash quickly. Various financial aids have fallen through, looking only at my income and ignoring the fact that my housing cost went up 50% overnight. I’m not able to get out and do much of anything to earn, so I’m short on my options. Stress, stress, stress……thank you sir, may I have another?

Yeah….life goes on……

It was a pleasant weekend. I especially enjoyed a brunch with old friends and made a few new ones. Good food and good company…it all works.

But it was sad as well. A couple of friends are moving to new work opportunities and new beginnings. I’m happy for them but I am still sad. During the couple of years that I have known them, I have been treated with nothing less than true love and respect. They were also a breath of fresh air in our community, sharing energy and enthusiasm with everyone and asking for nothing in return. They will be back to visit, but it’s not the same as knowing that they are just a few miles away.

I’ll miss you sorely, T&J. I love you guys!

Last night I realized that it’s been two weeks since I last posted. Beat me….I deserve it.

My physical therapy sessions are completed. Michael feels that I have the basics mastered and that working on my strength and endurance is the next step. I hated to sign off on that….I enjoyed working with him.

Also during this period I had a followup with my Cardiologist. He said I’m good for another six months “unless the cigarettes or a pissed off girlfriend kill me first”.

My footwork and activity in general will be restricted for a while. I am being fitted with a Wound Vac, which is a suction device designed to help drain an open wound on my right foot. This should also promote healing action in that area. (I could save the insurance company a lot of money here….. I have a Shop Vac and some duct tape, so I should be able to rig up something similar.) They want me to avoid using the right leg as much as possible, so that will put a damper on my walking. Fortunately this should only last a few weeks.

So I am being forced back into a slowdown mode for a while. Fortunately this is happening as the weather gets hotter. I hate hot weather so staying hidden near my AC won’t hurt my feelings.

I recently wrote about doing the everyday things that one takes for granted. I am rediscovering more and more of them.

The cool snap we have enjoyed for the last couple of days have made sitting outside or even the shortest walk a delight. It clears my head and really invigorates me. This and the fact that my Physical Therapist likes to walk me outside makes my adjustment to the prosthetic leg a pure labor of love.

Today was probably my best walking session yet. I seemed to naturally adjust my gait to get the best of each stride. Much of the discomfort was gone from my knees, calves and hamstrings (which have suffered from two months of underuse). I still have back pain but it is getting better slowly. I am slowly making my comeback and loving every twinge of it.

Michael, my PT guy, is patient and encouraging. He’s not too pushy but constantly critiques my steps and offers any suggestions in a gentle way. I really think I have one of the best people around to help me.

But for all his words of encouragement, I think the biggest boost I got was when I was about halfway through another lap around the big parking lot after he left. I heard a shout of “All – f***ing-right!!!” and saw five familiar faces from the diner. They had come out to head back to work and seen me. I saw five big smiles and five “thumbs up”s.

I felt like I could have walked five more miles.

It's excruciating, and I love it.

Today I *WALKED* into the Diner. I did so in slow, halting steps that belied the pain n my knees and hamstrings. Going in was agony. Coming out was worse. And I loved every jolt of it.

A half hour later I walked into the Physical Rehab Gym at Heartland. The last time they saw me I was in a wheelchair. And every step sent aches through me, aches that marked every step as a personal triumph. I had promised these girls that I would be back on two feet and I stood by my word.

I am now eating Ibuprofen like it was M&Ms, and I imagine that morning will bring a whole new world of hurt to me. I don't care.

Every step was a victory, a giant step for one guy and his fake leg.

I love it!!!